[Fedoras of Salvation] - White Knights ITT

[DroppinSuga]

Better probably isn't the right word. It's possible to make a good deck that doesn't have 5 or 6 infinite combos in it.

[redthirst]

A deck that normally wins is better than one that normally doesn't IMO - it doesn't really matter how.

If someone keeps playing a deck that wins... and he's playing it in multiplayer against people who know he's the top threat... and they know exactly what he's playing because he never changes his deck... and they still can't beat him then I'd have to argue that yeah, "better" is the correct term for his deck.

[Helios]

I don't play Commander for that reason. I'd go crazy tuning my deck and then dealing with guys who want to play basic land tribal and cry about me being unfun when they lose.

How would you feel about someone playing basic land tribal beating you?

[Khaospawn]

Guys, I'm about to post the weirdest thing I've ever written.

For some reason today I had this crazy idea make a retarded, fictitious movie in my head involving us Clan Members. Instead of concentrating on what I'm playing for Saturday's SCG Orlando, my mind wandered off into a plot and casting choices for something real silly.

This is meant to be humorous, but if anyone's offended, well, go fuck yourself. I love you all and you know this.

This what happens when I'm on too much coffee and I'm unloading a truck by myself for a few hours. And then I come home and try to put it on paper.

---

Title: World War Zemanjaski – Clash of the Fires

Genre: Sci-Fi, Fantasy, Comedy, Thriller, Action

The Story:

In the distant future, zemanjaski's lust for power doesn't end with his conquest of Magic: The Gathering. His ambition takes him to a dark place, where he embraces the
Ultimate Evil. After disbanding the Fires of Salvation with his influence, he seizes power in Australia using a program designed by hamfactorial. During his ascendance he begins to recruit former Clan Members to his cause, and as the world turns a blind eye, he uses their skills to begin plunging the world into darkness.

Few oppose him.

================

Before long, his influence begins to stretch outward. The effects are noticed, and soon there are whispers across the globe. Rumors of a nameless fear that lurk down under. As his thirst for power goes unquenched, zemanjaski's ruthlessness only grows stronger.

The moment is arriving when he will strike. There is a tension in the air. Soon, the world will fall to his whims....


Across the globe, windstrider is approached by an old Clan mate with a dire warning. Armed with a mystical Celtic Blade gifted to him from his longtime friend, Photodyer, he sets out first to reunite with the vigilante redthirst to dig for answers.

Windstrider&#
39;s meeting with redthirst is anything but short. They embark on a series of adventures, and after a daring quest to save an old comrade, they learn that the time has come to strike at the heart of zemanjaski's soon-to-be empire.

An assualt team is formed and the battle to save the Earth begins in the Land Down Under. But not everything is what it seems, and as Windstrider duels to defeat the villainous zemnjaski, he will have to make a choice which carries a terrible price....

List of Characters/Brief Bios:

The Good.

Windstrider: The main protagonist. After being warned by a panicked Johnny Spike, he suspects all is not what it seems to be in zemanjaski's neck of the woods. Fearing that the world and his family are in grave danger, he embarks on a quest for answers that will lead him to face the Ultimate Evil. Think Luke Skywalker meets Tom Hanks from The DaVinci
Code.

Photodyer: When windstrider is informed of the awful news by Johnny Spike, Photodyer is the first person he speaks with. Photodyer has been a longtime friend to windstrider, but the demands of home life, age, and family has left him unable to travel. He offers wise council to windstrider and tells him to trust his instincts and true friends. Before windstrider leaves, Photodyer gifts him with a rare and magical Celtic Blade.

Redthirst: Once the unofficial leader of the Fires of Salvation, redthirst has become unstable and aggressive after losing his daughter in a tragic accident. He is working security for various strip clubs in a seedy part of town, as well as acting like a part-time vigilante, when he is contacted by windstrider. Redthirst is already on the verge of nervous breakdown when confronted with the news about zemanjaski's impending takeover, and the reminder of his falling out with zemnajsaki has brought the all-too-familiar
bitter feelings back to the surface. He agrees to help windstrider out of a need for revenge and retribution, but only if they can first find out whatever happened to Khaos, the one man he trusts to watch his back in a fight who was lost years ago in an epic Hangover-esque romp in Louisiana. Think Blade/The Punisher meets Han Solo.

Wraith: A black market arms dealer that has supplied redthirst with weapons for years. He puts the proverbial “ear to the ground” to dig up some information on the whereabouts on Khaospawn after redthirst approaches him for some weapons. Think Whistler from Blade.

Khaospawn: A reckless madman with an utter disregard for moderation and authority. Has been lost for several years after a severe drinking episode with redthirst in Bourbon Street. Behind his unpredictability and womanizing lies a calculating mind and a thirst for aggression, yet his biggest weakness by far is his inability to stay sober. He is discovered in
Helios's “lotion pit” completely drunk, and after being freed, teams up with redthirst and windstrider. Think the Joker meets Doc Holiday.

Fate and Nuwen: Fate and Nuwen are happily married and living off the grid in a forest. Their house is a converted redwood tree that is completely modernized on the inside. Fate prefers to live wild, but is kept “balanced” by the level-headed and incredibly smart Nuwen, who's computer skills are only rivaled by hamfactorial. After a heated, yet convincing, argument delivered by windstrider, they reluctantly join the team to disable the security grid to allow entrance into Australia.



The Bad.

Zemanjaski : The main antagonist. Zemanjaski begins a plan for world domination after taking over Australia. Not only is he a skilled fighter, but his evil is only matched by his ruthlessness and cunning. Think Emperor Palpatine meets M. Bison.

Alex[
/b]: A master of disguise, Alex is hired to be zemanjsaki's personal assassin. He tracks the “traitor” Johnny Spike to the United States to “quiet” him. Later, he engages in a fight with Valdarith to uncover a secret that may threaten his employer.

LP: Lauphiette Kincey is recruited early by zemanjaski and placed in command of the Australian army. He is a battle hardened warrior with a knack for predicting enemy tactics. Think Darth Vader meets Achilles.

Hamfactorial: hamfactorial is a brilliant engineer with a lust for sadism. After initially creating the computer program used by zemanjaski that allowed him to seize control of Australia, he is placed in command of engineering a new system that will allow Z to take out the world's defenses. He is also given prisoners to experiment with as a form of payment. Think Age of Apocalypse's Beast meets Ultimate Spiderman's Doctor Octopus.

Kaze: Kaze is
zemanjaski's humble servant and advisor. Kaze has concocted a special tea from the native Australian flora that gives zemanjaski superhuman powers. Think Japanese shaman meets Lord of the Rings' Grima Wormtongue.

Tubehunter and rcwraspy: Both are recruited by Z to be the official Corruption Watchdogs. In zemanjaski's New World Order, they work in tandem as head of a “secret service” that only protects zemanjaski's interests. Think Merry and Pippin or Goten and Trunks, but with a sinister side.

Johhny Spike: a supporter of zemanjaski until he learns about the plans for the imminent world takeover. While on a mission in the United States, he defects in order to warn windstrider to not let his family board a plane to Europe, sparking a dramatic change of events.

The Ugly

Helios: Helios has had a rough time after the Fires disbanded and has developed a serial
killer profile similar to Buffalo Bob from Silence of the Lambs. He takes Khaos into his underground “lotion pit” after finding him completely intoxicated at Darth Stabber's bar. His plan to harvest Khaos's skin is thwarted by a pissed off redthirst and windstrider.

Darth Stabber: Darth Stabber is the proprietor of “One-Eyed Willies,” Bourbon Street's most popular gay bar and brothel. A confused and and intoxicated Khaos wanders in one day and Stabber let's him stay there until his disappearance.

Valdarith: Valdarith is a rogue's rogue. A dashing southern gentlemen with a knack for thieving and trading information, Valdarith is a “gun for hire” that has crossed paths with Wraith in his various business dealings. When Wraith begins to pick up the trail during the hunt for Khaos, it is Valdarith that tips the party off to Darth Stabber's bar. During the battle with Suga's gang, Val steals the mystical Celtic Blade from
windstrider and disappears. He is later killed by Alex and the blade is taken to zemanjaski. Think Gambit from the X-Men.

DroppinSuga: Suga is a scoundrel that is known to operate in shady affairs. After selling enough babies on the black market, he becomes deeply imbedded in underground organized crime and is crowned the leader of several bands of street gangs. He frequents the Stabber's bar, and when Suga finds a drunk Khaos at One-Eyed Willies, he sells Khaos to Helios for a steep price. Suga and his gang later engage redthirst, windstrider, and Valdarith in a barroom brawl during the hunt for Khaos.Think Firedrinker Satyr with the creepiness value of a Willem Dafoe under your bed.

Christen: Christen is a mercenary contact of Wraith overseas. He his hired to guide the assault team into Australia. Think Oddjob from James Bond.

Magicdownunder: MDU is Christen's contact into Australia. He has becomes disillusioned
with zemanjaski's vision for a New World Order and offers his house as a staging area to the heroes. Raspy and Tubehunter track his corruption and kill him for his act of treason.

RedScrumper: body count fodder. Dies with a Wilhelm scream.

RaidaTheBlade: Created by hamfactorial, Raida is a genetically altered beast - a fusion of man, machine, and Narwhal (more Nar than Whale, actually). Raida guards the entrance to zemanjaski's throne room and nearly kills the assault party when he goes monstrous. Raida is ultimately taken down by redthirst and Khaos, but not without coming back for one last scare.

Freedom: Like the name implies, freedom is the leader of the underground resistance in Australia. He helps the heroes into zemanjaski's fortress by leading the fight against the Australian Army, led by LP of the Fires.

Self Medicated: Self Medicated is a genetically altered human
created by hamfactorial. He is both powered and addicted to a form of hooch that hamfactorial has created in the depth of zemnjaski's fortress. When Alex delivers the Celtic Blade to zemnjaski, Self Medicated is dispatched to intercept the heroes. Think Bane from Batman meets the Jem-Hadar from Star Trek: Deep Space Nine.

Edit: If I left anybody out, my bad. I can only write so much in a few hours.

[Helios]

Srsly hilarious. I'd never harvest your skin tho bb

[Khaospawn]

I'd never harvest your skin

What if I wanted you to do that??

[hamfactorial]

I don't play Commander for that reason. I'd go crazy tuning my deck and then dealing with guys who want to play basic land tribal and cry about me being unfun when they lose.

How would you feel about someone playing basic land tribal beating you?

Feels good, man.

[Lightning_Dolt]

Wilhelm scream lol.

[hamfactorial]

I lost it at Wilhelm Scream, too.

I can see Fate and Nuwen living in a hollowed out tree, too.

Lotion pit?

[Jack]

That made my day. I feel like it's something to be framed and hung up on the wall right next to the Pyromancer's Prayer and red's drill sergeant monologue.

[redthirst]

Khaos won the thread.

[Kazekirimaru]

Why does everyone see me as a bad guy?

[Kazekirimaru]

Am I that abrasive?

[Alex]

Looks like Pauper premier events are back. http://community.wizards.com/content/blog/4020536

[redthirst]

Why does everyone see me as a bad guy?

You put out a real lackey-esque vibe.

Also you're Canadian - Canadians are evil.

[Kazekirimaru]

Fuck you, eh?

[LaZerBurn]

That is fucking wonderful Khaos

[redthirst]

Also, have you ever seen a good guy wearing a scarf and enjoying some hot tea?

No. Because that's obviously villian shit.

I bet you're a cat person too.

[Self Medicated]

I'm loving the Bane-Jem'Hadar reference! Ham, I need hooch!

Also, the part about Willem Dafoe under the bed is going to keep me up tonight.

[Khaospawn]

Am I that abrasive?

I just had this idea that if anybody were to be giving evil Z a magical tea that granted him super powers, it'd be you. Not a terribly bad thing.

[DarthStabber]

Wonderful work khaos, and if I ever do open a gaybar/brothel in new orleans feel free to cum and stay a while.

[Khaospawn]

I'll cum and cum again.

[DarthStabber]

Also, have you ever seen a good guy wearing a scarf and enjoying some hot tea?

The 4th Doctor
Sherlock Holmes
Ace Rimmer (what a guy)

[hamfactorial]

I need to change my avatar to properly reflect my Dr Octopus / Beast persona.

The narcissist in me was really hoping you'd pick up on an Ozymandius vibe from Watchmen.

[Khaospawn]

For some reason Beast came to mind. Like, you've been on the ham challenge in this near-apocalyptic world that you've literally turned into evil Beast lol

[Khaospawn]

Ock and Beast are narcissistic in a dark way lol

[Helios]

I'd never harvest your skin

What if I wanted you to do that??

Not even once.

[LP, of the Fires]

We welcome our new Aussie Overlords.

Khaos is the fucking man.

[hamfactorial]

Ock and Beast are narcissistic in a dark way lol

It's a deal

[Khaospawn]

The part that made me laugh the most while writing was the thought of Raida activating a monstrous ability that turned him into a gigantic Narwhal.

@Helios- I needed to come up with something outrageous for where "I" would be found. I always imagined it would be in the "It puts the lotion on its skin " situation from Joe Dirt /Lambs. Suga was the first one that came to mind, but then I liked the thought of Suga being a low level criminal mastermind so much that I needed to pick somebody else. Nobody would ever suspect you of doing that so I went with it.

[Kazekirimaru]

Also, have you ever seen a good guy wearing a scarf and enjoying some hot tea?

No. Because that's obviously villian shit.

I bet you're a cat person too.

I love my Australian shepherds, tyvm

[Yarpus]

The best way to sell cards on Modo?

[hamfactorial]

Also, have you ever seen a good guy wearing a scarf and enjoying some hot tea?

No. Because that's obviously villian shit.

I bet you're a cat person too.

I love my Australian shepherds, tyvm

Kaze plays a motivational speaker and runs a men's group where he employs NLP techniques to seduce women. Think Tom Cruise's character from Magnolia.

[rcwraspy]

Just got my grades for my first semester of law school. 3 classes, 3 B+'s. Not bad for my first classroom experience in over 10 years while being married and working full time - decently happy with it.

[DarthStabber]

So what characters am I modeled on?

---

hoping for a combination of george carlin's "fuck it, it's all going to shit", and the 9th doctor's "hide what's bugging me behind being goofy"

[Kazekirimaru]

Kaze plays a motivational speaker and runs a men's group where he employs NLP techniques to seduce women. Think Tom Cruise's character from Magnolia.

Respect the cock! And tame the cunt! Tame it! Take it on headfirst with the skills that I will teach you at work and say no!...You will not control me! No!...You will not take my soul! No!...You will not win this game!

[RedNihilist]

Kaze plays a motivational speaker and runs a men's group where he employs NLP techniques to seduce women. Think Tom Cruise's character from Magnolia.

Respect the cock! And tame the cunt! Tame it! Take it on headfirst with the skills that I will teach you at work and say no!...You will not control me! No!...You will not take my soul! No!...You will not win this game!

Magnolia?

[Yarpus]

Okay. Uhm. Where can I sell Tixes in easy way? I do have 85 Tixes to sell. ;_;

[Sasky]

I don't think I can post here anymore if people are gonna use anime boobs as their signature, since work is like the only time I get to surf much o_O

[Valdarith]

Brilliant work, Khaos, but why do I have to die?